Column: The time I bought small shoes and couldn’t get them back on

I have this thing for buying the wrong shoes. I actually wrote a column about it a few years ago. I think I’m going to re-post it, as it still happens to me. Lesson learned my ass!

I know I’m not the only woman doing this. We all do this. Why? Do we have too much money? Do we lack judgment? What happens in Zara (for example) when we try on a pair of shoes and take them to the register when we know they are too small, too big or very uncomfortable? We want it! We want it bad! We fell in love the moment we saw them standing in the corner, the way Zara’s visual merchandiser intended. And we fell even more in love when we saw the price tag. Often a price tag with the word ‘sale‘ on it.

No zipper equals struggle. And lots of cussing.

In my case it was Zara indeed, but it was online and the price tag didn’t have the word sale on them. It had the numbers 19,99 on it though. No further explanation needed. I ordered them right away and picked them up right after I got a text from Zara. They make it so easy! Not so easy was putting the shoes on. No zipper equals struggle. And lots of cussing I might add. But after moving my feet a bit and some help of my shoehorn and my boyfriend, I got them on. I should have known better by then, but they looked way too good on my feet! So I cut off the price tag…

The day after I had an evening planned with my family-in-law. First we went bowling and I hit two strikes and a spare. This has no value to this story, but I just wanted to tell you 😉 Then the moment came we had to put back the bowling shoes and put on our own. You get where this is going… My boyfriend told his family what happend the other day with the shoes and I was more than ready to proof them all wrong. These shoes are awesome and fit (almost) perfectly! I didn’t think of the fact that my feet swell in warm spaces and that bowling shoes have a habit of making feet sweaty. By the way, why haven’t they come up with something for that? It’s gross! Any who, putting the shoes on was a challenge. Wrong word, it was a disaster!

Forever the girl that buys the wrong shoes

Sitting down, standing up, with the help of my boyfriend, the help of a shoehorn.. Nothing worked! I took us 15 minutes to get the left shoe on. Fifteen minutes, one shoe! Thank god we had half an hour to get from the bowling place to the restaurant.

I must admit, it was quite funny. This situation totally fits a self-mocking Fashion Hoax. I actually had to ask everyone to stop making me laugh, because it didn’t help me in the process of getting the shoes on. But after a few minutes my laugh turned into cuss-words, mostly in my head. My in-laws are crazy like me and therefore totally awesome, but what I said in my head couldn’t be said out loud. I was so done with the fucking *@#% shoes. I was ready to cut the right one open with scissors (no joke), when I realized my feet needed to cool down. So with my right heel still out of the shoe, I hobbled outside. After 10 minutes of cooling down I gave it another try and the shoe finally moved over my right heel. Hallelujah! And now I’m more than ever the girl that buys wrong shoes..

smallshoes2x

Yes, they took photos of me during the disaster. See my boyfriend gently stroking my hair, trying to support his crazy, cussing girlfriend? I also had one where I raised my middle finger, but I thought it would be best to delete it..

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