Posts in Columns

Column: The time I bought small shoes and couldn’t get them back on

I have this thing for buying the wrong shoes. I actually wrote a column about it a few years ago. I think I’m going to re-post it, as it still happens to me. Lesson learned my ass!

I know I’m not the only woman doing this. We all do this. Why? Do we have too much money? Do we lack judgment? What happens in Zara (for example) when we try on a pair of shoes and take them to the register when we know they are too small, too big or very uncomfortable? We want it! We want it bad! We fell in love the moment we saw them standing in the corner, the way Zara’s visual merchandiser intended. And we fell even more in love when we saw the price tag. Often a price tag with the word ‘sale‘ on it.

No zipper equals struggle. And lots of cussing.

In my case it was Zara indeed, but it was online and the price tag didn’t have the word sale on them. It had the numbers 19,99 on it though. No further explanation needed. I ordered them right away and picked them up right after I got a text from Zara. They make it so easy! Not so easy was putting the shoes on. No zipper equals struggle. And lots of cussing I might add. But after moving my feet a bit and some help of my shoehorn and my boyfriend, I got them on. I should have known better by then, but they looked way too good on my feet! So I cut off the price tag…

The day after I had an evening planned with my family-in-law. First we went bowling and I hit two strikes and a spare. This has no value to this story, but I just wanted to tell you 😉 Then the moment came we had to put back the bowling shoes and put on our own. You get where this is going… My boyfriend told his family what happend the other day with the shoes and I was more than ready to proof them all wrong. These shoes are awesome and fit (almost) perfectly! I didn’t think of the fact that my feet swell in warm spaces and that bowling shoes have a habit of making feet sweaty. By the way, why haven’t they come up with something for that? It’s gross! Any who, putting the shoes on was a challenge. Wrong word, it was a disaster!

Forever the girl that buys the wrong shoes

Sitting down, standing up, with the help of my boyfriend, the help of a shoehorn.. Nothing worked! I took us 15 minutes to get the left shoe on. Fifteen minutes, one shoe! Thank god we had half an hour to get from the bowling place to the restaurant.

I must admit, it was quite funny. This situation totally fits a self-mocking Fashion Hoax. I actually had to ask everyone to stop making me laugh, because it didn’t help me in the process of getting the shoes on. But after a few minutes my laugh turned into cuss-words, mostly in my head. My in-laws are crazy like me and therefore totally awesome, but what I said in my head couldn’t be said out loud. I was so done with the fucking *@#% shoes. I was ready to cut the right one open with scissors (no joke), when I realized my feet needed to cool down. So with my right heel still out of the shoe, I hobbled outside. After 10 minutes of cooling down I gave it another try and the shoe finally moved over my right heel. Hallelujah! And now I’m more than ever the girl that buys wrong shoes..

smallshoes2x

Yes, they took photos of me during the disaster. See my boyfriend gently stroking my hair, trying to support his crazy, cussing girlfriend? I also had one where I raised my middle finger, but I thought it would be best to delete it..

Tinder Tales I: The greatest thing about Tinder ain’t the men

It was a warm Summer night in July. I was sitting outside Donovan’s (a bar in my hometown Groningen) around 1AM with my bestie Karen, when I was contemplating installing Tinder for the first time. Even though I was single for three months, I consciously didn’t install it because I wanted to be male-problem free as long as possible. Just be a happy single without wondering when my next date would be, whether he’s going to call or not, or how I’m going to break it off because he has weird teeth. For example.

But this night I was way too “restless” (the type of restless Carrie talks about in Sex and the City. That says enough..). There were no handsome men inside Donovan’s, so I figured I should do the next best thing. Which turned out to be the best thing ever! Yes, this time it’s a woman that’s crazy about Tinder, not a man!

When I spotted a guy I always had a crush on within the first 5 seconds of swiping, Tinder scored it’s first points. The guy turned out to be one that loves to talk about himself way too much, so no, this is not a love story about how I met the love of my life in 10 swipes. As the title tells you, this column isn’t about the men involved in Tinder. It’s about the girls. What?!? No, no, I’m talking about my girlfriend, my bestie, my Tinder-buddy Karen.

Soon 90% of our Whatsapp conversations were made of Tinder print screens; “Look at my new match!”, “I so want this dude to swipe right!” and of course the “Eeew”.

And then there are the updates during the Tinder dates of course. A short message is always good, because there’s no time to update the bestie in between all the flirting. A long message, often coming from the restroom, is bad. And the most fun are the terrified whispering voice-messages: “Girl, you have to get me out of here!”.

The most fun I had though was during our epic Tinder evening. A Tuesday evening in August on my couch with too much wine, lots of chocolate and a little doobie. What can I say, we live in The Netherlands and we know how to have a good time. Karen suggested we’d Tinder (yes, it’s a verb) while being a bit tipsy. And that’s how one of the most memorable evenings in 2015 started out.

We were drooling over hot guys, laughing over losers (sorry, not sorry), fantasizing about possible dates and/or one-night stands and of course we were anticipating matches. “Whoohoo, I got another one!” “Girl, he’s hot, high five!”. We even spotted the same guy at one point, who matched us at exactly the same time. It was hysterical! Tipsy Tindering with your bestie is awesome, I would do it every evening! “Unfortunately” I was tipsy chatting with a guy that same evening who turned out to be more than just a Tinder dude… To be continued!

Valentines column: Sleeping in his shirt while travelling

As you know, last week I was in Copenhagen with blogger-bestie Esmee. We were there for five days, four nights. Not long at all, but for a girl who has spend every day with her boyfriend since the third week she’s been dating him, it feels quite long. Yes, this blog has got quite an ick-factor. The ick-factor as we know from Sex and the City indeed. I even got a little icky myself while writing this down myself, cause I’ve never been this type of girl. Girlfriend in this case. Luckily I can still be perfectly alone and enjoy time with myself or my friends, but I must say I’ve never been this in love. Hence the Valentines post even though I hate Valentines. Even while being in a relationship I think it’s a bullshit day. I want to give and receive love every day, amen.

Okay, back to our trip to Copenhagen. As a girl in love, I asked my boyfriend to give me his shirt to sleep in while I was away. And as a boy in love, he kindly did. He even sprayed some of his cologne on it. Rick + Yves Saint Laurent L’Homme Intense smells yummy!

When we arrived in our stylish and comfy hotel room at Andersen Hotel Copenhagen, I took the shirt out, smelled it and told Esmee with blushing cheeks that Rick gave me his shirt. Her reaction was to pull out the shirt and boxers her boyfriend Oscar gave her to sleep in. OMG, how pathetic yet hilarious are we?! You’ll understand why I had to write this story and take photos of me wearing the shirt. Evidence to my crazy in love state of being.

We took these photos the last day of our trip when the shirt smelled more like Lian + Yves Saint Laurent Black Opium (Yes, we both wear YSL) then the boy’s yummy scent. Luckily I was able to smell the real Rick + Yves Saint Laurent L’Homme Intense later that day when I got home 😉

 

Goodbye Creators, Hello Fashion Hoax

Welcome, welcome, welcome! Happy you found your way to my new blog – I feel like an overexcited talk show host or something! But I am excited to show you my new blog! You probably got here through Creators, but in case you haven’t read my post about my leaving and my current personal situation, here it is:

After two months I can finally say that after 3,5 years I’m leaving Creators of Desire. Well finally… That kinda makes it sound as if I’m relieved to leave, which is not the case. I’ve enjoyed blogging for Creators of Desire and so my eyes were quite teary when I told Anouk that I was ready for something new. I still remember the day she asked me if I would be interested in joining the pact back in 2012. I was actually jumping on the bed, I knew this was an amazing opportunity for a newbie blogger. And as it turns out, it was! 

It can be hard to leave something you love and it can be scary to step outside your comfort zone, but I really feel that this is the right thing to do now. I’ve thought about for almost a year and so I’m excited the moment is finally here! That’s the kind of ‘finally’ I meant in the first place 😉

I really wanted start my ‘new’ blog with a bang, but unfortunately there’s not much banging about my personal life at the moment. I’ve thought about whether I’d share this with you, but since I want to make my new blog more personal, this might be a good start. The sentence above “It can be hard to leave something you love” works two ways at the moment. I lost my father to cancer 1,5 week ago. Yes, that’s why you haven’t heard from me in a while and that’s why there’s not a happy picture with 100 balloons added to this post. And also, the big give-aways I’ve organized to celebrate the new and improved Fashion Hoax have to wait a few days.

How am I dealing with this? I knew it was coming so I had some time to get used to it, even though I can hardly put it that way. This is not something you get used to and as it turns out I’m having a harder time right now than I did when it all happened 1,5 week ago. Mourning processes are weird… I try to keep in mind that my father is free of pain now and that we had a lovely last week with the family filled with tears, but also lots of laughter. My dad and his wife were amazing during his illness, such strong and brave people.

So that’s what happening right now. Quite something huh? It’s weird to feel sad and excited at the same time and to mourn and to work at the same time. Luckily I’m on my way to Copenhagen as we speak, were me and my blog buddy Esmee are going to have fun at Fashion Week. A nice way to clear my head.

Before I go, a little shout-out to Mike who helped me build this site. And remember to bookmark my new blog with my old address:

FASHIONHOAX.COM

 Lian

 

7 Things I hate about Instagram

Now a days Instagram isn’t just something you do whenever you feel like it, it’s almost a blog on it’s own. Of course it’s a choice I make myself, I can stop whenever I want. But I don’t, I love Instagram, always have. I can really enjoy posting a cool photo and getting exciting comments on it. But sometimes… Sometimes I just hate it. And today is apparently the day to complain about it. Can’t wait to read your comments on this one!! Does this sound familiar to you?

1. Never being able to enjoy a moment without thinking of how to capture it on your iPhone
This is the thing I hate the most. And no matter how hard you try to enjoy the moment, that little Instagram devil is always whispering in your ear “Take a photo, take a photo!”.

2. The pressure of having a perfect life
I so do not have the perfect life. I don’t live in a stylish city, I’m not always wearing an amazing outfit, I’m not always eating macarons from Ladurée while holding a Chanel bag with my long fingers with perfectly painted nails. And if I do have a perfect-ish moment, there’s no one around to take a photo.

3. Never being able to eat right after the waiter placed the plate in front of you
Yup, we always have to take a picture first.

4. Always posting after the moment passed because you had to edit your photo
Which often takes about 15 minutes and often you have something else to do by then.. Moment passed big time, it’s going to be a #latergram.

5. Not having a photo ready that fits your feed
And therefore not posting for a day. Not good.

6. Getting frustrated because that awesome photo didn’t get as much likes as the crappy one you posted earlier
Why? Why?!

7. Turning into a greedy, ungrateful monster
I was almost ready with this list when Anouk wrote about how greedy Instagram makes you. It’s so true. When browsing through a feed including the newest it-shoes by Isabel Marant, YSL clutches, beautiful hotel rooms and interiors that could be featured in a home magazine, I feel that I want that too. And all of a sudden my new Zara bag is crap and everything else I was happy about for a minute.